Sometimes I wonder if I am really doing him any good. I mean all I do is drive all over town for therapy and then drop off and pick up the other two kids from school. The good thing is that Chase has no choice but to be flexible. Is that good or bad for an autistic child? If we are home he just wants to stim off the musical spinning toys. So therapists say take them away. Okay sounds good but then what does he do other than climb everything in sight.
There are just not enough hours in the day nor hours in the week to do all that needs to be done for him or the other kids. So then I have a day that is a little selfish for myself like going running then I only feel guilty later that I did not work on Chases needs.
I toured a school for him for next year. It was awesome! So much hope yet so much that needs to get done before then. All kinds of questions arise. Is it good for the whole family? Liv and Austin will have to be uprooted from the area for Chase to be best served. The daily commute will be a chore. Yet he needs the daily interaction and pressures from the teachers. I have let him use me as a tool for his wants. Yet no one else understands his needs other than myself. That is not a good thing.
Can I protect him forever? What will others think of him down the road? He is so happy now will things become harder for him as he ventures out into the real world? It is so scray not knowing what the future brings yet trusting in the Lord to do what is best for him. And knowing that what will be, will be. As parents we can only guide so much and let the rest fall in the Lords hands. That is much easier said then done.
The seizures have started again and he is just starting to do so good. Hoping that is does not set him back. Is it because he is sick with post nasal drip and ear infection or is he off track? It is so scary to think the slightest thing causes a de-railing for him. Let's just pray that it is temporary for now!